Yoga and Other Shenanigans

 Friends, to say that I live a sedentary lifestyle would be an understatment. I sit in the same chair every day for anywhere from 8-11 hours, then I go downstairs, park my butt on the couch, and don't move until it's time to go to bed.

Literally.

Then this thing happened with my schedule where I'm suddenly free every morning. My temptation was to fill it and when the referrals didn't pan out, I saw it for the sign that it was and decided to use this morning time to get my fitness in at least some semblance of order. Or at least have a little bit of it.

I also just wanted to add some movement back into my life, so I decided to sign back up with the yoga studio I used to be a part of the first time we lived in this city. I loved that place! I also hadn't done yoga in a startlingly long time but have historically found it to be very beneficial to my wellbeing. Things have changed there, as they have changed everywhere, and so they offer online versions of the classes - they Zoom them in real time or you can go to the class if it isn't full. I opted to go for the online classes first to see how I did.

This was a no good, terrible, very bad idea for two reasons:

The first day, Monday, I was stoked. I was ready, I had my yoga mat, and my blocks and strap were elsewhere but whatever I probably wouldn't need them (spoiler alert: I did, in fact, need them), and I was READY. The class ran for an hour and fifteen minutes. Because of the dogs and how loud and wrestly they are, I got maybe 30 minutes in and ended it so frustrated that I was like "nope. This isn't going to work." But silly me, I tried it again this morning. I planned to put Ruby in her pen, Miles is on drugs anyway from his surgery yesterday so he's pretty docile (and has been resting on my rug all morning), so I should be good.

Except I brought Ruby out for her morning outside time to poop, and she didn't. We stayed out there for 20 minutes. She didn't. The second I brought her in, she started doing the poop dance and started to squat on the living room rug. So I brought her out again. Still nothing even though we stayed out there, again, for a good long time. I was like "you know what? Whatever." I started class late, and then I went to work. About 15 minutes in, I steal a glance Ruby's way, and she's doing the poop dance and squat again. I rush her out of her pen and bring her outside for literally 30 minutes. Nothing.

What an asshole.

So I brought her back in, but by that point, I was toast mentally. There was no way I was going to re-engage.

So for those of you keeping count, of 2 and a half hours of yoga classes so far, I've fully attended and been present for 45 minutes. I have my doubts that I will get through a full class this week, and I'm signed up every day through Saturday. If I don't, that will tell me a lot about my ability to be present and to be able to problem-solve, both of which have not been my strong suit lately. What it also tells me is that I need more undisturbed alone time to do something just for myself, because as of right now I have none. It's nobody's fault, it's just how it is.

So, I'm going back through my reservations and I'm changing the ones I can to in-person and I'm going to physically go to the class and get myself out of this house. Also, fun fact: It will be like the second time I've left my house all week. That very much needs to change, so maybe this is also the way that will happen.

Time to go shake it off.

Resorting to Grad School Tactics

Friends, I got myself a Kitchenaid mixer this weekend. I had given my old one to my mom, and definitely not wanting to take it back (she needs to make her magical cupcakes even if I can't eat them!), I just decided to bite the bullet and get one, especially since I had gift cards and it'd be super cheap (like half the price) and exactly what I wanted. (This is related, I promise.)

Perhaps also, it's no surprise that I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. Like, verge of tears all yesterday and giving myself some time to eventually just cry it all out for a little while kind of overwhelmed. It's a new semester, Rob is about to go back to school, my caseload has ramped up again, we have a new puppy, and Miles is really starting to show his age (although he has more stamina than the puppy, so maybe not?). He broke a tooth, which is going to result in some surgery within the next week or two to be sure, which I'm already afraid of because he's nine and I'm not sure how he'll tolerate it, so, I'm just stressing about it.  Plus I have the second half of my EMDR training coming up in two weeks, and I'm just...tired.

Since the semester has started, teaching-wise, I'm finding myself setting goals around being as communicative as possible with my students because I've fallen short in previous semesters and I really want to be better about it. I also want to get my grading done in as timely a manner as possible. I know that everyone is overwhelmed and as a result (at least in the program that I'm teaching), more understanding, which is a blessing because I know that not everyone is that way. I know that I'm harder on myself than any of my students would even think of being, but still. I want to be better about it.

That being said, I had this shiny new mixer and I have also set the personal goal for myself to master gluten-free vegan bread and desserts by the end of 2020. If I can do that, I can be gluten-free forever (which is good, because I kind of have to be). I really, really want to bake some bread. I also have grading to do, which I don't want to do, because I want to bake bread.

So, when I was in grad school, if there was an assignment I really didn't want to do, I would give myself some motivation to do it by giving myself a prize at the end. For a while, it was candy. For a while, it was hanging out with friends, or going to get myself something nice. This is what it was, mostly. Candy was just a nice stepping stone, as it always is. I also did this at the end of each term - just for getting through it, I'd get myself a balboa sub and a beer at my favorite local restaurant. Sometimes I'd go out by myself, sometimes with others, but it was a four-times-a-year tradition where I was like "all I have to do is get through it. By just reaching the end, I'll get it, no matter how the semester turns out." Then if I got the grades I wanted, I'd get myself something extra, but I needed a proverbial carrot. I tried managing myself with the proverbial stick for a really long time and all that ended up in was me barely graduating college and being so much worse for the wear than I could have been. That rigidity and being so hard on myself is also what kept me in a major that I shouldn't have been in and barreling forward in a career that I knew deep down I didn't want, and it's not lost on me that I could be 9 years younger right now career-wise if I'd just gotten my shit together and majored in psychology like I actually wanted to. Beating myself up was not getting me anywhere, and I made the intentional choice to do it differently in grad school. It paid off in spades because I learned a much more valuable lesson - one of self-compassion. If I couldn't sit down and write that paper today, that's ok, but no carrot. I would get the carrot when it's done, no matter when that happens.

I lost sight of this tactic when I started teaching - it just didn't stick for some reason. So, I resorted back to the stick method as a teacher and as a counselor, and it wasn't getting me anywhere but closer to burnout and farther away from the motivation that I needed. When COVID hit, I was so rigid with myself because I wanted to have as much stability as I could for my students and my clients, and if I couldn't do that, I was failing, even though it was a really hard situation for me too. I just wouldn't (not couldn't - I'm fully aware of how willful this was and still is) acknowledge my own hardship.

This has been a really hard summer. Probably one of my hardest overall. What I love about fall is that it's this chance for all of that to fade away in order to clear the way to start anew. It's my favorite time of year, and I can't wait for the things that I learn along the way as I cultivate these renewed habits.

Also hanging out with these two adorable and sweet buddies won't be so bad either. :)

Such a Thing as Too Much Resiliency?

It's an interesting question, I think. At what point does resiliency turn to just flat out ignoring your feelings about what's going on? There's definitely a line there and I know that for me, I don't even know that I've crossed it when it has happened. But, once I realize I've crossed it, it's MUCH harder to get back into that adaptive mindset and allow myself to grieve appropriately about the change.

The long and short of it is that I've been doing that with this diet change for the past year and a half. When drastic things like that happen to me, and they have a couple of times, I just look at what's next. I don't give myself time to process that it sucks. Another time that I did this was when I broke my arm. I didn't allow myself any time whatsoever to figure out how I could handle it emotionally. I did the same thing when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's. In fact, I remember when I broke my arm, one of my friends was like "wow. You just bounced back as if nothing happened. You are so resilient!" NOPE. I JUST IGNORED MY FEELINGS. I was stressed about the damn snow for the rest of that winter and even if there are a couple of flakes on the ground even now, on go the winter walkers. BUT I'M FINE. REALLY FINE.

I think this is coming up for me now because I've felt a big dip in my motivation to continue with these diet changes. They're necessary and they're permanent, and I've been in denial of this fact the whole time. I've also had some really bad reactions to stuff I've eaten over the past month or so (both expected and not - there are times where I've consciously eaten something to which I know I'll have a bad reaction just to keep others from feeling uncomfortable), which impacts my mental health anyway, which was already in a more tenuous space than I was allowing for in the first place. But, when I feel a dip in that motivation, the core feeling is what does it matter? It's not like this is permanent. Also, whenever I'm trying to intentionally trying to make a big shift, that thought of what does it matter? (insert something to challenge the healthy and adaptive desire or behavior or thought juuuuuust enough to keep me from making the change I want to make) I've been teetering on feeling the tidal wave of grief that comes with changes this drastic. And it all started in therapy this morning when I was talking about how I just want to be able to make a cake from a mix and that I'm POed that I can't and I JUST WANT TO EAT CAKE AND WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS BIG DAMN THING AND WHY DO I HAVE TO GO SPEND A JILLION DOLLARS ON GLUTEN FREE FLOUR AND EGG SUBSTITUTE. (Literally. Like, my therapist touched on it VERY lightly for her style and I just...burst into tears and all of these gross feelings started coming out. Gross. I'm super mature about my own feelings. I can tolerate others' feelings until the cows come home, but mine? NOPE.)

I have celiac disease. These diet changes are permanent. These are facts. I am intolerant to eggs and several other foods, including cane sugar, and I simply shouldn't and can't eat them and expect to have no reaction. Also facts. The change also happened literally overnight even though I knew somewhere deep down that it was coming. The softer stuff, like I can't really eat breakfast out at a restaurant anymore, I have to spend a large amount of time looking up stuff that I can eat before we ever go out to a restaurant, and I feel anxious about cross-contamination whenever I DO go out to a restaurant, and that all of these things are now my reality are also facts, but ones that I've outright refused to look at without the lens of denial in front of all of the rest of it, among other stuff. Have I gotten frustrated at times? Yes. I believe those were the denial shattering for even a tiny fraction of time, but I still wouldn't look at the grief that was beneath it even in those times.

It's this weird paradox, isn't it? I've accepted reality so hard core that it has kept me from fully accepting the reality of my health situation. The first step in this is, for me, acknowledging that all of these changes happened so quickly, and that it was JARRING. I think what happened was that I was knocked squarely out of my reality and the denial has only served to make me think (falsely) that the answer is to do my damndest to claw my way back into it instead of allowing myself the space to make a new reality in the face of all of this new information, grief included, which is what needs to happen. While my health is certainly better than it was a year and a half ago without a doubt, I also know that I still have a long way to go. Generally, I'm told, once a person has celiac and other food intolerances, it takes 2-3 years for their gut to fully heal and to fully shut down the inflammatory response, and that's when they do everything right to the letter every single day. Which I don't because I'm in denial about it. But let me tell you, the last month has been TELLING. I have been MISBEHAVING PROFUSELY diet-wise and gained about 49 pounds (not really, but it feels like it) and felt as badly as I did when I started this diet consistently for 30 days. The Glass of Denial, she is shattered. I'd like to blame it on turning 40 instead of my irresponsibility, but I know for a fact that's not true, because I've only been 40 for four days. And, it's not like a frigging switch flipped at 2:30pm on July 12. That's not how it works.

So, here's the other thing. In EMDR training, we have consult sessions once every three weeks or so. I had it right after my therapy session today and THANK GOODNESS it's over the phone because I was a little bit of a mess BUT GUESS WHAT HE SAID THAT STRUCK ME SO HARD IT ALMOST KNOCKED ME OUT OF MY CHAIR. He talked about Resensitization instead of Desensitization, and that sometimes that happens. Sometimes we shut ourselves off emotionally to something so drastically that the function of EMDR is actually to get us to feel it. (And of course, that's been what has happened to me because the case he was talking about was mine - I've been letting a colleague with no clients practice on me and that's what has been coming out - I've been annoyed severely by certain things and haven't been able to make sense of it, and he just connected the two dots this afternoon - thanks EMDR consultant!)

Sigh. It's all part of the journey - I know - but sometimes it's a struggle. The best thing I can do is keep swimming, even when it gets difficult and know that I'll reach acceptance of things at some point, even if that point is Most Definitely Not Right Now.

Six Weeks.

Six weeks was what it took for me to go abruptly off the deep end. HARD.

I had been trucking along. I was doing telehealth, I was teaching online, and though it was hard, I was getting through it.

Then the last two-week stretch of the semester started.

Grading papers between seeing clients.

A lot of time at my computer on days where it was beautiful outside and noticing myself starting to feel resentful.

More time at my computer.

I'm not sure where the switch flipped, but Monday morning I woke up with a splitting headache. I was looking at a 10-client day, and I thought to myself that I couldn't do it. But I got up, showered, threw in some laundry, started the dishwasher, flossed very carefully, actively avoided coming upstairs, but when I did, I went about my day and I saw those ten clients.

Then it happened again Tuesday morning. I was looking at 10 hours in front of a computer again. I had the same routine as the day before, doing all I could to put it off. Wednesday, more of the same.

I'm not sure where the tipping point came where I said to myself that I couldn't do another day of this. Maybe it was an email from a student that made me lose my patience. Maybe it was a meeting or two running over because I said I had to go and that was the point at which people started asking a million questions. Maybe it was those referrals coming in that I know I can't take. Maybe it was the sheer number of no-shows that I had on Thursday and I was annoyed. I don't know.

But I shut off my computer on Thursday night after my last session was done and said to myself quietly that I was going to cancel my appointments on Friday and take the day off. I didn't quite mean it at that point, but when I woke up on Friday morning, I sure as hell did. I was near tears at the idea of spending another full day in front of a computer, of spending half the day grading and then the other half seeing clients. I just did not have it in me. I had lost the mental space to do any of it. It was like I was painting a floor and all of a sudden I had one tiny spot that I could stand on left.

I have tried everything I could to take care of myself over the past six weeks. I've kept up with my diet. I've put myself on an information diet because I just can't take the news right now. I've started crocheting a new blanket. I've kept our house (mostly) clean. I've made time to enjoy myself and really significantly reduced screen time whenever I can (which is not a lot lately). I've also tried everything I could to take care of others over the past six weeks. I was officially out of juice. My cup was emptier than it had been for a long, long time.

I cancelled all of my Friday clients without guilt, and then I sat on my couch, crocheted, and watched TV all day. I also left the house to run a few errands for the first time in almost a week. I ate pizza with ham on it and I loved it, and found gluten free crust in manchester that was not hot garbage. Then, the headache that had been nagging me all week was suddenly gone when I got up yesterday. I was set to grade all day yesterday, and I got a few papers in, and then I put that away too. I was in no mental space whatsoever to do all of the work before me. I'm still not sure if I'm able to do that, but I'm going to do a few and keep trying and if I can't, I'll make the conscious choice to take a break.

I've realized that what I need to do for myself at this time is have patience with myself. If I can't have it for myself, then I definitely can't have it for anyone else. Also, if I can, then that patience will tell me that it's ok to take a few minutes to get my head on straight. It's ok that I don't have full 60-minute sessions with my clients because that's a really long time to sit in front of a computer, for both of us. It's ok to spread out my schedule a little bit more to give myself some breaks in the day. It's ok to not take those referrals and start that waiting list. It's all ok.

I'd been giving my patience, so much of my patience, away to others. It's ok that you missed that appointment. Of course it's hard to tell what day it is. Of course if you need to miss class it's ok. I had been turning a grand total of none of it inward.

What this sixth week has taught me is that I need some too. It's ok for me to make changes to my schedule. It's ok for me to take a vacation the week after the semester ends (which I am 1000% doing.). It's ok to take a few minutes and unpack that box. It's ok to plan paint colors for my kitchen and living room instead of grading that paper or writing that note. Get out of your house, if only for a few minutes. That's ok too. When your husband is outside working and wants you to take a break for a few minutes so he can show you what's under the concrete slab in your back yard that you hate, it's ok to go outside and check it out and be overjoyed for a few minutes that it's actually dirt under there and you CAN make yourselves a backyard because of it. All of it is ok. Every bit.

We're finally starting to set down our roots in this house, and I am loving that. But, I haven't been able to pay as much attention to it as I want. I've been hard on myself as a result, and it's time to let that shit go. We're going to be here a really long time, so I have time. I don't have to keep this train running all the time. I can slow down, but it absolutely, 100% has to be an active choice. I haven't been making the active choice, and it has cost me a lot over the past few weeks. I haven't backslid in my burnout recovery, but I have seen new burnout start to emerge, and I'm not liking what I'm seeing, so it's time to do something different. The good thing is that I have so much time at home now and in some ways I'm doing so much better with my anxiety that I can recognize it before it becomes a huge problem and force myself to stop. I'm listening to that internal feedback so much more now than I used to - it tells me a lot, and I'm finally paying attention. I think the important part is that I'm also negotiating with it less. There's no "ok, but seriously, could I work Friday and then take the rest of the weekend off and not grade or do anything, even though that will cause more stress later and I probably won't do that either?" My body tells me that I need a break and I take it. It's actually pretty straightforward when you get into the practice of it. :)

And, I did not burst into flames. It's amazing how much I thought I would spontaneously combust from doing something different, and none of it has happened. Miraculous, right?!

Things I've Learned from Nutritarianism

These last seven and a half weeks have been...interesting.

With this major diet change, I've lost an additional 20 pounds, I've hit my 50th pound lost since the beginning of this journey almost a year ago, and found inside myself a level of energy that I legitimately don't think I've ever felt before. Barring Life Shenanigans (of which there have been more than I bargained for, that's for sure), my mental health has been better than ever. I did not handle Life Shenanigans the best most of the time, but I shudder to think about how I would handle it if my mental health were not as good as it is. I literally probably would have holed myself up for several weeks and buried my head in the sand, and I didn't entirely do that.

Can you believe that it's been almost a year since I started down this path? I can't. I look back to a year ago at this time and I'm FLABBERGASTED at the changes that have come about in my life just from making the shift to focus more on my own health and wellness.

One thing is for sure - I will never go back to the way I ate. This is partially because I have medical evidence now that says that I shouldn't, but also, I feel so effing good that I wouldn't want to. I've said in the past that my relationship with food has totally changed, but those times weren't true, I've realized. This time is. I've learned more in the time I've been following the nutritarian diet than I have about myself physically, ever, and I look forward to incorporating these lessons into my everyday diet as I start to reincorporate things. That being said, here are some of those lessons:

1. There is such a thing as too much garlic, at least for me. Some of you will gasp at this, and I did too with this realization. But, if I eat too much garlic (and sometimes even a little bit is too much), my nose runs like a faucet. That's an interesting reaction that I'm not super interested in looking at, but I have to.

2. I might never go back to eating meat full time. I think it's no coincidence that I lost so much weight AND I cut out meat. Might I try to reincorporate it? Of course. But I think I'm going to do so fairly infrequently and instead lean on the stuff I eat now.

3. Even in a pandemic, people won't eat chickpea pasta. I watched someone shove another person out of the way for a box of regular lasagna noodles the other day and it was the most ridiculous thing I've seen since I worked retail. Too bad for them, more for me.

4. I CAN be vegan. Do I want to be? I'm not so sure. But if I have to be, I can.

5. I will have to either drastically reduce or cut out my cheese intake entirely. This one's a bummer, but I've tried a few nondairy options and they're...edible. We'll just leave it at that.

6. Coconut is like...my favorite. Absolute favorite.

7. When you cook red lentil pasta, it smells like weed. It also tastes like it smells. I find this endlessly hilarious and laugh about it every time I eat it. (Side note: is it possible that there might be weed in it? It'd explain the constant laughter about it.)

8. I get sick of food REALLY quickly, but if I rotate staple meals, I won't get sick of them as quickly. Chickpeas and salsa is a big one, as is chickpea pasta with sauteed vegetables. There are also these sweet potato stuffed mushrooms that are the stuff that dreams are made of.

9. Just....coconut.

10. I react badly to Dunkin' Donuts coffee. This was a very interesting realization.

11. Almond milk too. Less interesting because I half expected it.

12. HEMP MILK. 'Nuff said.

13. While there is a thing as too much garlic, there is no such thing whatsoever as too much salsa. I could literally eat it out of the jar. (I may or may not have done that as a meal once or twice or five or six times.)

14. Water sauteeing is a thing that I didn't know about. Also, I have a...we'll call it less than ideal reaction to olive oil. I'm testing it out today to make sure this is what I've been reacting to, so we'll see what happens.

15. My reactions to gluten are much, much worse than they were even two months ago. While most see this as a bad thing (and I certainly did at first), it means also means that my body is doing what it's supposed to. I have celiac - I'm supposed to have a reaction to gluten. That I didn't for so long because my immune system was in such overdrive is nothing short of alarming. (It's also worth noting that even though getting glutened was accidental, I was definitely eating something that I shouldn't have been eating. I kiiiind of had it coming.)

16. COCONUT. CAN'T OVERSTATE THIS ONE.

In other news, Rob and I bought a house! We close in mid-April, and I'm really excited about it. We also sold our condo, and all of this happened within a month of each other. The pressure was on to find a place once we sold our condo, so some feverish home searching and many, many meltdowns when we offered and it got rejected definitely happened. We made offers on 9 houses and they all got rejected before we were finally able to get one accepted. It cuts just shy of 30 miles from my commute every day, and it's in the sweet spot of being close to work but also far enough away for me to not worry about clients seeking out my services in the area that I'm living in.

Now if we can just get through this pandemic and make it so that I don't have to miss work (and thereby can keep getting paid), that'd be greeeeat.

In the meantime, I go back to the doctor on Wednesday to check in. I'm supposed to get blood taken and I'm not quite sure I want to do that at the moment because going into a hospital or a lab unless I really, really have to is not entirely appealing to me at the moment. We shall see what happens.

Detox

“Do you want to do a detox?!” My naturopath asked excitedly in November. 

Before any holidays occurred.

Of course, in my folly and because I was feeling well, I said yes.

I may live to deeply, deeply regret that decision. Or, you know, not.

I had the appointment yesterday where we talked about what it would entail, and I’m going full bore paleo vegan for two months. 

Snort. And I thought we were going to talk about giving reincorporation of eggs and sesame seeds another try at this appointment now that I’ve cut them out for 6 months. NOPE.

Anywho, so here’s the deal.

A pound of raw veggies per day. (Minimum.)

A pound of cooked veggies per day. (Minimum.)

Lots of beans.

2 ounces of nuts or seeds.

4 large pieces of fruit per day. (Minimum.)

No grains, not even rice or corn.

All the white or sweet potato I want. (A relief, in a way, except I can’t slather my potatoes in butter and sour cream.)

No meat, no dairy.

No juice or anything else that contains added sugar.

End of list.

This would be like a vegan person were doing a whole 30. Except I’m not vegan. Like, not even a little.

Oh wait. All the tea and water I can drink. I can drink black coffee too.

The science makes sense. The focus on micronutrients instead of macronutrients makes sense.

The goal is not weight loss, though she told me to expect to lose 20-30 pounds, which will put me exactly in the range I want to be. This diet is one ordinarily given to people who need a reset or to set themselves up for drastic changes to their diet, both of which apply here. There is a lot of good news other than this also:

1. I’ll feel better. The holidays were terrible for me food-wise, and this will give me a much-needed reset. I have felt like shit since about early December, so I’m ready to start feeling good again and get back to being accountable for what I put in my mouth.

2. I’ve fixed my Breakfast Problem. You see, I’m a big breakfast person and have been for a really long time. Then I had to cut out eggs, most dairy, oats, and gluten, all foods that are an integral part of a good breakfast. I don’t want anything to do with chia seeds, and because I shouldn’t be eating all that much sugar, I shouldn’t be eating all that much yogurt either. I’m pretty much limited to one kind: unsweetened coconut. It’s out there, but hard to find. Now I’m doing smoothies again. Fun fact: there is unflavored protein powder (which I called smoothie dust yesterday at the doctor in a moment of aphasia) and if I mix it with frozen fruit and some water, voila! Breakfast! (Along with, according to my doctor, two pieces of fruit.)

3. If I’m hungry between meals, or if I’m extra snacky (which I shouldn’t be at all), I’m not eating enough and I should eat more. This concept is SO foreign to me that I don’t even know where to start. She told me that I can (and should!) literally eat until I’m uncomfortably full at every meal. She also gave me some recipes and told me to double them and take that as a meal.

4. It’s not that far off from the elimination diet that I was on, so I should be ok. It will be a bigger adjustment because I SUPER fell out of habit during the holidays, but I’ll get back there.

Now I have to go find myself a food scale. I start it on Monday.

923 Days

July 13, 2017, my teeth looked like this.

That was 922 days ago, as of right now.

922 days of staring into the snackless abyss.

922 days of my teeth moving in microscopic increments.

922 days of wearing them (mostly) 24/7. (Ok. I was lax when I had aligners for more than two weeks.)

You can’t tell too much, and my teeth weren’t terrible by any means, but I was having MAJOR jaw troubles. Lots of crowding meant my bite couldn’t meet the way it needed to, which was way more painful than I was giving it credit for now that it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Today, my teeth look like this. 

Are they perfect? No. Do I want them to be, necessarily? Not really. I want to be satisfied with them, which I definitely am. Are they amazingly different in every way I thought possible? Yes, and then some.

Tomorrow is day 923. I get fitted with retainers tomorrow after having my current set of aligners for literally months. I’ve had the top aligners since August, and the bottom ones since November. My top teeth have been done for quite some time, and I can understand why my dentist wanted to wait, but it took Invisalign an inordinately long amount of time to get the retainers done.

I got the call today and I go in tomorrow. I am STOKED. I still have to wear them 22 hours a day for now, but I’ll eventually get to move to nighttime wear only and I can’t wait.

What CAN I wait for? My naturopath appointment. It’s tomorrow. My gut is NOT smiles times lately and I got a buttload of blood taken last week that I think ain’t going to come out great. The holidays were tough, and I think it’s just going to take some more time to recover. I literally haven’t felt well in weeks. I’m by no means back where I was, but I’m tired, swollen, and icky.

I agreed to a cleanse in my last appointment, in a moment of absolutely terrible judgment, so we’ll see what that entails.

Stay tuned!