Ahem.
1. If you are doing all of the emotional labor in any given relationship, it’s ok to stop.
2. Someone’s inability to manage their own anxiety enough to have a healthy relationship with you isn’t your cross to bear. It’s also not your job to manage it in order to have a good relationship.
3. You don’t have to understand or internalize things for other people. Your responsibilities are in your reactions and your choices.
4. People do what they want with the information you give them, including filling in the blanks with information that doesn’t actually exist.
5. Your needs don’t warrant justification. Full stop.
6. In every relationship, there are 3 things: you, the other person, and the dynamic. Stop catering to the other person, the one thing in this equation over which you have no control whatsoever, and mind the dynamic and yourself by consistently reflecting: Is this how I want this relationship to feel? If the answer is no, figure out what you need and go toward that.
7. Don’t allow people to be lazy about you. If you want a real relationship with someone, go touch some grass and figure it out.
8. It’s ok to let “I just deserve better” be your north star in any relationship in which you are dissatisfied. You don’t have to justify your need for a different/better dynamic.
9. Relationships that aren’t reciprocal aren’t relationships. They’re hostage situations. I said what I said.
10. People show you who they are and your role in their life when shit gets hard. Pay attention. There’s a reason that so many people feel abandoned when they have Big Life Events, and this is certainly a part of that.
11. It’s ok to accept that you will never have the full story and also still move forward with what you know to be true. We all do it all the time and if you’re waiting to have the full story before you act on something, well…be prepared to not act on that thing, ever.
