Knitting it Out

Soooo, the two week mark. I'm having a full hysterectomy in two weeks.

It feels better to say it out loud.

We did some preparatory shopping yesterday (followed by more list making) and I started looking at message boards on Reddit from people who have been through it and also from people who've had Lynch Syndrome and been through it.

I'm not sure if it helped or not, but it definitely gave me more of an idea of what to expect. All I know for sure at this point is that the nerves are starting to set in. I know that's natural, as it would be with any major surgery. I've also already called the surgical nurse a couple of times with questions (which she wholeheartedly encourages, so I'm limiting myself to making a list and calling one more time per week before the surgery if I need it). I'm not freaking out, not yet, but I'm anticipating it. So, I did what I always do when I start to feel a surge in my anxiety about something big.

I went to Michael's.

I bought myself some rainbow yarn and some new knitting needles, and I'm going to knit it out. It always helps, without fail. Could I work on my star blanket? Yup, but crocheting doesn't help me like knitting does. I'm not sure why, but it does.

I think what happens is that knitting, because I don't have to count my stitches, helps me work stuff out. And, I've got a lot of stuff to work out. Like the fact that I'm going to be in there by myself and Rob isn't even allowed to go in with me, and how I'm actually kind of relieved about it because pre-op is a lengthy process. About what I should pack. About where I'm going to set myself up for a couple of weeks while I'm recovering. About what if they keep me overnight unexpectedly. About when I'm going to go back to work, and what that's going to look like. About what I'm going to do with all of that time where I won't be able to do anything except sit my ass on the couch. About what I'm going to watch/sleep through during that time. About when I can start walking around. About how I'm going to feed myself or what I'll need for that after the surgery, given that it's incredibly common to not want to eat for a couple of days afterward. About how my bodily functions are going to get back to normal and how long it will take. About whether or not I'll have to have a catheter and what that's going to be like. ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING TO DO ABOUT NEVER HAVING TO WALK DOWN THE FEMININE PRODUCTS AISLE EVER AGAIN IN MY WHOLE LIFE. (I may just dance down them one more time for shits and giggles once this is all done.) About what I'm going to eat after surgery because it's very likely that I won't be able to eat anything that they have to offer me, which is how it was after my endocolonoscopy as well (they said I could bring light snacks if I want). About what I'm going to bring with me for food so that I can eat if I need to. About what time I have to be there. About whether or not Rob is going to be able to work that day. About how I'm going to keep my 8-month-old-hell-on-wheels puppy from jumping all over me. About how I'm going to be able to sit up while my abdominal muscles are healing. About hormone therapy and what that's going to look like and whether my doctor is going to start me on it right away or if he's going to wait (from everything I've heard, I'm hoping he's going to start me on it right away).

That's just the stuff off the top of my head. There's more in there - I'm certainly counting on that.

But for now, I just knit.

At this rate, I'll have a whole hat done by tomorrow even though I'm using pretty small needles. :) I'll get this all figured out - the only trick is to not over-think it. I'll just be so relieved to have it finished.