Nuclear Meltdown

Ok.

"This is only temporary", I told myself when I felt the switch flip this afternoon.

Those of you who have ever done the Whole30 know exactly what I'm talking about.

Those who haven't, just be glad you don't.

Because I did the cardiometabolic diet for almost 4 weeks before the elimination diet, I think I went through the whole first phase.

Then I started the elimination diet and I went through phase one on steroids the first day. Until I got to the grocery store. Then I couldn't stop looking at all of the foods I couldn't eat and feeling resentful of that woman picking up that bag of Goldfish because WHO THE EFF IS SHE ANYWAY.

Tuesday morning, I woke up with a headache that was very quickly remedied by a buttload of water and an ibuprofen. Just one.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good! I'm on all of these supplements, as well as a prescription to get rid of my candida and a new thyroid hormone. So, I take six pills every morning, two in the afternoon, and two in the evening. I didn't feel quite together today though, as evidenced by the fact that I dumped my smoothie all over myself and had to run back inside to change my sweater and scarf, and that I forgot my meds at home that I usually take with lunch. I was also kind of foggy throughout the day.

But the most notable point of the day was something pretty big.

Just about everyone in my office knows this, but I scheduled a job interview for a promotion this morning. I'm super excited about it, and I think that it's going to be a really good transition for me if I get it. It will mean that things will change for me a lot at work, but I don't think that it would be unmanageable change.

Right.

I sent the email to confirm the time and then promptly FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.

Over what, you might ask? Not the job interview.

OVER WHETHER OR NOT MY PANTS WILL FALL DOWN DURING SAID INTERVIEW.

Read that again, friend.

I FREAKED OUT. ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY. THAT MY PANTS WOULD FALL DOWN. AT THE INTERVIEW THAT I AM GOING TO HAVE IN EIGHT DAYS ABOUT A PROMOTION.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have officially entered what I like to call the the Nuclear Meltdown Phase. During this phase, I feel irrational anxiety and get annoyed at absolutely anything. Lend me a pen? Eff you. Hold the door open for me? Just get out of my way. Eating something that I can't? YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE MY GENERAL VICINITY RIGHT NOW. I need to push the button on the Apple remote too many times? Clearly throwing it will fix it, so I'll consider it seriously. Also, anything that I could be anxious or impatient about? I get anxious and impatient about it.

ANYWHO. Where did this pants revelation come from? A rational place, actually.

You see, all of my pants are too big. I lost inches too quickly to do anything about it, and now none of my pants fit. Before you freak out at me and give me the finger in your head, know that I KNOW THIS IS A GOOD PROBLEM TO HAVE. I GET IT. But I was a the doctor's office (wearing pants that fit GREAT a week ago!), and I got up from the chair and could feel my pants start to fall. Like, to an inappropriate point. I very quickly pulled them up and my doctor laughed and said, "yeah, that's a common problem for beginners here. No worries!" BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOME.

So of course, the seed was planted. OF COURSE IT WAS.

Sigh.

I'm hoping that eating will help, but I know that it won't. I just have to power through and leave my door closed at work A LOT over the next few days, as well as resisting the urge to just go into my bedroom and close the door and trap myself in there except to eat and fluorescent-yellow pee every few minutes. Because that's happening too.

This too shall pass. Eventually. I hope.