Cleaning as Self-Care

"So, how are you feeling about tomorrow?" Asked my director as we were both leaving work yesterday, (I have my interview at 2pm today.)

"Nervous as shit, but I'll go home and clean my house and feel better."

She laughed - but I was serious.

I then proceeded to drive home like a anxious mess and clean the hell out of my kitchen basically the second I got home.

Cleaning (like, not just surface cleaning - cleaning out kind of cleaning) is my self-care for when I know I'm really anxious or upset about something. I'd also had a pretty hard day yesterday, so it really could have been either. Cleanliness of my house is something that I have control over. How my interview will go does not fall into that category at the moment. It's helpful to know that the origins of my anxiety are rooted in those times when I'm aware that I'm not entirely in control so that I can recognize what is in my locus of control and put that anxious energy into something productive.

There are endless benefits to this kind of self-care:

1. I have a clean kitchen (or choose a room!)! Like, a really clean kitchen! I still have to mop, but I'll get there.
2. My anxiety goes down noticeably after I have cleaned.
3. I use the opportunity to organize as well, so that just compounds the good feelings.

 

(You should have seen this counter before I cleaned it. ALSO THAT GREEN PAINT SMUDGE WILL HAUNT ME UNTIL I CAN GET IT OFF.)

Want to know how I know it worked?

I slept GRRRRREAT last night. I woke up on time this morning. I feel pretty damn good, too.

Also, I had the wherewithal to follow through on the solution to my pants crisis as I was planning today's outfit last night:

WEAR A FRIGGING DRESS.

THE ANSWER WAS SO SIMPLE THAT MY ANXIOUS ME DESERVES TO SIT IN THE CORNER AND WEAR A DUNCE CAP. I literally ruminated on what to do for DAYS, stressing out at Goodwill because I didn't find anything interview-appropriate that fit me on Friday. I HAD AN ENTIRE EFFING CLOSET FULL OF SOLUTIONS.

Also, I slid down a hill in the rain (not on purpose) the other day and not only hurt my ankle pretty badly, but I also rendered my pants unwearable. Luckily, we were literally at my best friend's apartment and she had a pair of pants for me to borrow.

They were skinny jeans! I had never tried them before because the tapered leg look of the 80s still has me scarred!

I felt so confident and amazing in them! I would like 10 more pairs please.

But seriously folks, a whole new confidence is starting to come over me, and I super duper like it.

I'm also over the week one hurdle, so that's good too. One week down, 3 to go.

 

Just kidding! I'll be ok. I've only outright stared at people eating two or three times! And, grocery shopping was easier this week! Also, I feel amazing, almost! (I'm fully confident that in a day or two, I'll totally be running on all cylinders - but right now I'm still pretty tired and occasionally murdery, but I'll get it figured out.)

Also I cheated pretty badly this weekend (I had about a billion pieces of fruit AND stole some of Rob's French fries on Saturday, and then I ate bacon on Sunday), so I'm trying to get back on track with quite a bit of success. It was easier to get back on track than I thought, which is both good and bad. I just can't venture any further into cheat territory than that. I'm also starting to discover more foods that I can eat, so that makes everything feel ten times easier.

Anywho, feel free to send some good mojo my way today, if that's your thang. :) I could definitely use it!