That Daily Feeling

I get it at least once a day. 

The "THIS DIET IS BULLSHIT" feeling.

Do I feel amazing? Yes.

Has the inflammation gone down in my gut so much that I'm already down two belt notches while only losing three pounds?

Also yes.

But you know what? SOMETIMES I JUST WANT A BROWNIE. OR SOME TOOTSIE ROLLS.

Last night one of my favorite professors had his retirement party, and I went because he's amazing and I also got to spend some time with my colleagues and it was great fun!

The food was also fantastic! I could eat almost everything that was there and because I went for a run yesterday and had not eaten all that much yesterday in general, I felt free to eat as much as I pleased.

...until dessert came out.

Cheesecake. Brownies. Cupcakes. Some kind of dessert bar.

Translation: Ryan had to ask for fruit.

I could also be considered a picky eater in general. I've gotten much better over the years, and most of it was fueled by not wanting to be one of Those People who constantly ask for modifications to things that are on the menu. Not that they don't have a right to, it's just a pain sometimes to go out to eat with someone who has to always ask questions before ordering or ask for modifications.

Also, I'm not sure if it's the gluten or the sugar, but one of these things drastically interferes with my sleep, and I have a hunch that it's gluten. The reason for this is because I had a teeny sliver of cake at Easter last weekend and all of the sleep problems I'd been having came back FULL FORCE and I felt like complete shit on Monday morning because of it.

I also discovered that there is a good thing about not taking full responsibility for this shift in my diet yet: it makes it easier to ask for things without any shame whatsoever. It's not me who is the pain in the ass, it's my doctor! So I marched right up to a server and asked for some fruit and felt ok about that choice after awhile.

But you can bet your ass I watched the person next to me eat every bite of a brownie that he got and had to be mindful that I wasn't actually drooling.

But the tough thing is that now I get mad or feel a little resentful of my doctor (only temporarily) instead of just acknowledging that it's frustrating for me to eat this way because I'm not used to it yet and to give myself a little patience and compassion. Right? Super weird concept.