As lots of you know, I blog infrequently about things like knitting and my dog. I have found as of late that I'm definitely not doing enough in the self-care arena, and as such, have made some drastic shifts in my life. It's been hard, but this is just the start. I'm convinced it will get easier. What spurred this change, you might ask?
I got a new doctor. One who, like, actually listens. I'm actually going the functional medicine route to get to the bottom of issues I've been dealing with now for two full decades. You see, I've had this thyroid issue (and it's a family thang - there was no way, genetically, that I was going to avoid it) since I was 16. First, I was diagnosed with an enlarged thyroid. My energy levels were normal, but my thyroid was big. Ten years later, I was diagnosed with a nontoxic multinodular goiter. There was now stuff growing on and attacking my thyroid. My blood counts were normal, I was having some symptoms (I had gained A LOT of weight in the previous decade, but I had not yet tried to lose it, so I didn't know if I was having trouble also losing weight or not), but it was nothing to be concerned about after a biopsy was negative for thyroid cancer. Then about a year or two ago, my energy levels were decreasing and my anxiety levels were markedly increasing. This could have been the stress attributed to grad school and adjusting to a new job, but that didn't feel accurate to me. This was over and above what adjustment to a new job feels like (and granted, I had never been in a new job like this, but it still didn't feel right). I also had some gut issues that could have been tied to having C.Diff a while back, because it felt like my gut never really recovered from it. Also, I allegedly developed an allergy to rice and an allergy to peanuts, on top of two other allergies, one of which was (and continues to be) pretty severe.
Instead of checking my thyroid levels more thoroughly, my doctor threw Lexapro at me. This was a bad idea in that the meds didn't work, and I gained a lot of weight and other pretty terrible side effects. I'm no longer on any anxiety medications, but still having symptoms. I talked to my endocrinologist about it last year and asked for more thorough blood testing, to which he said, "sure. We'll check your free T4. This isn't commonly done, but I'm not worried about your thyroid function. We'll just leave it alone until your thyroid counts get below normal."
But I was still experiencing symptoms. That didn't seem to matter.
Fast forward to March. I was tired of my PCP, because a while back she was like "let's try Effexor" in order to try to get my anxiety under control. It was a disaster. I lost some weight on it, but it's because I was sick all the time from it. It worked marginally, but it was a WAY bigger cost than a benefit. Plus, I was also experiencing a whole host of side effects related to my dosage being too high, which tells me that I was having a problem metabolizing it.
Metabolic problems? Check.
Being overweight? Check.
Weird food allergies? Check.
Lack of energy? Check.
Mental health symptoms? Check.
Digestive problems? Check.
If you look down the list of symptoms for Hashimoto's, I had nearly every single one. Yet when I brought this up to my doctor and my endocrinologist, they did nothing. They had no suggestions other than to eat better and lower my stress levels. Yes, because I can just divine less stress just from being told to be less stressed, especially with my job, which is pretty much 100% chaos all of the time.
Anywho, I looked up functional medicine doctors that might be covered by my insurance after a great conversation with my sister, who did the same thing with staggeringly positive results. She cautioned that it would mean some drastic changes and I had to be ready for that. Come March, I was, so I made an appointment for mid-April.
Guys, she talked to me for an hour. AN HOUR. That has never happened with any doctor I've ever had, ever. We talked about my thyroid. We talked about candy. We talked about sugar and cheese and gut health and candida and estrogen dominance and anxiety. She ordered 13 different blood tests. Then I sat down with a nutritionist, like that very day, for another hour. We talked about the elimination diet, but that first I was going to step down using the cardiometabolic diet because of my sugar intake and not wanting to put my body into shock. They asked if I was ok with all of this, and it was a resounding yes. They felt bad about being so candid, but it was what I needed to hear in that moment and I told them so. I had never left a doctor's appointment feeling so validated and relieved.
It should also be noted that I don't generally make changes unless a doctor tells me to, and they have to be specific because if I'm given wiggle room, I'll take it. I'm historically not so great about taking responsibility for my health. Even now, when I talk about these changes, it's "Doctor's orders" and not "because I want to be healthy." I'm sure I'll get there, but it's hard. This is an area of adulting in which I do not excel.
My new doctor also said that we were going to start working on my gut health, like, that day. She told me to go and get some of this (side note: This is the most disgusting shit I've ever taken ever, even with adding fruit and spinach, so I would not recommend unless you have to):
To start taking some of these:
And to change my diet. Drastically. And then we'll meet again in May to discuss my blood tests and put me on the elimination diet to see what I'm intolerant to food-wise.
Of course, they said that we would talk about the blood tests at my next appointment and then called me this past Tuesday because my vitamin D levels are dangerously low. Or were, I suppose, before I had to take 50,000 units in one shot, and am to do so once a week until my appointment, and then start on 2,000 units a day on top of my multivitamin, which is another 1,000 units. During this phone call, they also told me that I definitely have Hashimoto's. While some might see this as a negative thing, I felt nothing but relief. I was finally validated, and better yet, something was going to be done about how I was feeling.
I have been working on this for one week and three days. I have made these changes, and it hasn't been without frustration, major cravings, and the occasional cheat.
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But I'm getting there, and that's the important part. And you know what?
I feel amazing.
I have energy, I'm sleeping WAY better, and I don't have urges to nap at 10am. It's no longer a fight to get out of bed in the morning. Also, I discovered that my natural wake up time is around 6am. WEIRD. I'm more able to leave work at work. I also still have energy after I get out of work and before I go to work, so I'm doing things like loading the dishwasher before I leave in the morning and cleaning the living room at night when I get home. I also feel like I can handle things better, and my general worry level is already less. I have taken myself off of the treadmill that is traditional western medicine, and it's the best choice I've ever made for my health. AND THIS IS BEFORE EVEN ADDING ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY INTO MY DAILY ROUTINE. Which is starting next week. One step at a time.
What I have also discovered about myself is that I kind of went into the whole self-care thing ass first. I started with the hard stuff (like a mindfulness practice) and now am going back to basics. Basic care of my body is where I'm starting at this phase, and I think that I just sort of held this assumption and trust in my body that I could beat it up with stress and candy and lack of exercise and that I could handle it. The roughest part of self-care is that you have to grapple with the idea that you can't just push through things. You have to be proactive and take responsibility for it. It's a conscious choice to be healthier. While owning the responsibility of not taking care of yourself can sometimes entail a fair bit of shame, it doesn't have to! It's only forward from here.
There will be lots of shenanigans to be sure. And probably pizza sometimes. Maybe. I'm probably going to have to cut out gluten because of the Hashimoto's, so maybe not because gluten free pizza is shit. (I need to find a better recipe. Luckily I have friends that send me pins with recipes that look amazing!)
Anyway, welcome! I'm excited to start this blog, and hopefully can impart some wisdom in the follies that are about to come my way.
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