Now that I know the experience of medical gaslighting and also the opposite, feeling heard and feeling like I am a part of my medical team with at least some expertise, there's no way I'll accept the former ever again in my life, ever.
What does that mean?
It means the second I get even a whiff of dismissal from a medical professional, they are F I R E D.
I don't give a shit if they were having an off day. I don't give a shit if what I was saying about what I was experiencing just didn't penetrate. If I say I think something is wrong and a medical professional doesn't listen and at least consider it a part of the entire clinical picture, they will immediately cease to be a medical professional on my team. Full stop.
I give no second chances in this regard because back when I did, the results were catastrophic. As I was going through all of the medical stuff in 2021, that was the one and only promise I made to myself: My concerns will never, ever be ignored again.
My neurosurgeon - she's one of my favorite humans. I literally put my life and my brain in her hands and she delivered, 100%. If I ever felt dismissed by her, we'd be DONE. My PCP - she's amazing. I was going to get legal consult about being able to keep her as a PCP when MGH said I had to switch. That's how good she is. She is also no exception to this "no second chances" rule. I could go through all of my medical team and say equally glowing things. They would also be fired immediately if they ever dismissed a concern that I had.
So when I went to my follow-up ortho appointment for my foot last week and I said, "It often still hurts as badly as when I broke it and I think something more significant is happening," and she shrugged and said "your x-ray shows that you're healing as you should" and sent me on my way promising a PT referral that never came, I knew that was the beginning of the end.
I was up a lot of the night last night. I went to bed not being able to put weight on my foot - like, couldn't even wear socks. Couldn't let my blanket be on top of my foot. This had been happening intermittently and in an escalating fashion for the past week or two. We're seven weeks out from my break. I should be able to put weight on my foot. So I called my ortho doctor.
They could fit me in on March 5.
But also, I knew something needed to be done. The amount of pain I'm experiencing is not supposed to be happening, so I went to MGH urgent care.
They found a second break right where my most severe pain is. The ligament has also likely torn off of the bone. I might need surgery, but the doctor that I saw is going to recommend an MRI when I get into my new ortho doctor just to make sure.
But everything is fine, right?! Of course it is! I'm 45 and rolled my foot and broke it in one place and sprained it in two others - it's going to heal slower. I just need to give it time and do some PT.
Except that's not what happened.
I broke my foot, I broke a part of my ankle, and sprained another part of my foot when I rolled it and have been in near constant pain of varying degrees ever since.
What I'm most astounded by is the speed with which I made this decision. I was becoming increasingly frustrated because it took me like three tries just to get through to a human, and then to be told that I couldn't see my doctor for over a month? Nope. Immediately no.
So for now, I'm back in the stupid boot.
I'd be mad but my foot and ankle feel so much better that it's hard to be mad about that. So for now I just shuffle around and take one step at a time.
Very gingerly.
And waiting until my feet regain feeling after sitting criss cross applesauce.
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