Meeting Myself Where I Am

It's hard to meet yourself where you are, and it's a pretty consistent struggle for me. I always have this impulse (not instinct - I thought it was for a long time, but it's not) to just push through no matter what I'm feeling. Yes, it's hard, but this too shall pass, so I might as well just buckle down and do it now.

This may be a great strategy for some, but it turns out that it's a TERRIBLE strategy for me. I'm finding that more adaptive ways are creeping in, and it's feeling REALLY empowering. For instance, I don't wait more than 15 minutes for a client to come on to a Zoom call. That was where it started, actually. I found myself sitting here and waiting and how long do I wait and should I wait the whole hour? I had a REALLY resounding "no" happening and I paid full attention to it from minute one. I've had a few people push back, but what I say is that this is regular therapy, even if it's a different medium, and so the same rules apply as they would if we were meeting in-person, which either includes being on time for session or letting me know if you're going to be late.

It has also started to happen with yoga class. There were a few times the first week where I was just...not mentally there. So I didn't push it. I was going along great, and then today (right this minute, actually) happened.

I tried a new teacher today, and I was hopeful - all of the other teachers that I've taken classes with have been GREAT. They're gentle but they also push and it's just the balance I need. I signed on this morning fully expecting to take a class with one of those teachers, and someone else came in as a sub unexpectedly. "Ok," I told myself; "I'll have an open mind about this. This won't be bad."

Oh, friends. Today is where I learned the lesson that not every yoga teacher is a good fit. She talked for the first fifteen minutes of class. Ridiculous. I don't need to hear your internal narrative about life, lady. I do that for my day job, and I didn't come to yoga class to hear it all over again. NO THANKS. But then we started to get into the poses and SHE DIDN'T STOP TALKING. I have the video muted because I don't want to be totally rude and just sign off of the Zoom call, but I guarantee that if I unmuted it, she'd still be gabbing away.

What I'm also positive about, along with the fact that she's not a good fit for me, is that it's also partly me. I have to acknowledge that because I see 10 clients on Tuesdays, Wednesdays are probably not the best day for me to do yoga. I've tried the past two Wednesdays and struggled to the point of not being able to get through a class each time. There's a pattern here, and I have to acknowledge that where I am in my head is a large part of that.

But still. There's a time for talking and a time for not, Lady.