I think I’ve finally figured it out.

I operate as a liberal in a family full (but not entirely) of conservatives. A die-hard Democrat in a family full (but not entirely) of Republicans. Politics has come up a lot since the 2016 elections and at times it has gotten super heated, but at this point, I avoid it. Like, get-up-and-walk-away-from-the-conversation-without-a-word-and-no-I-don’t-care-that-we-are-eating-dinner-so-I’ll-be-eating-with-the-kids-thanks kind of avoiding. I’m just tired of talking about politics with people who are only interested in shouting their viewpoints and not listening. (And also now watch as I put myself in the exact position that I just described. I’m aware of the irony here, just in case you were worried that I wasn’t.)

And it’s never the liberals in the family who bring up politics, amusingly enough. Maybe it’s because we don’t constantly feel the need to justify ourselves.

I finally figured out my internal stuff about it and why I react this way. (Snort. It only took three years.) It isn’t because I don’t care. It truly isn’t. And my beef isn’t even with all republicans - just loud Trump supporters, because that’s all who seem to assert their position loudly and aggressively without prompting as if I want to hear it.

The reason why I avoid these conversations is because I’m a pretty empathetic person. I know that if I listen long enough, I’ll start to find their position understandable.

I never, ever want to understand a position like the ones that trump (and his supporters) hold. And yes, I added that parenthetical point because if you voted for him and aren’t now actively walking yourself back and doing what you can to change the tide (and I’m not even talking about going out on primary day and voting democrat - there are tons of other ways), you support what he’s doing. Full stop.

I don’t ever want to understand being able to justify voting for someone like him. I don’t ever want to understand the mental place of parroting back his policies or his rhetoric. I don’t ever want to understand how a person can justify voting for a person who has facilitated locking of children in cages and emboldening people who only want to hurt other people. I don’t ever want to be in a position where I understand, from any angle, hurting people on purpose.

If that makes me ignorant because I’m not interested in learning about that, then so be it. I decided a while ago that trump, his rhetoric, and the vitriol spewed by his most ardent supporters don’t deserve any real estate in my brain. Do they have some? Sure, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this right now, but I try hard to keep it as minimal as possible. Sometimes it just spews out and I am not entirely able to control it. My way of controlling the square footage that this occupies is by not participating. I won’t reinforce aggression on the part of those with whom I disagree by engaging. People can invite us to a fight all they want - it doesn’t mean that we have to accept it.