Positive Reinforcement

As anyone with a behavioral background knows, punishment does not predictably deter unwanted behavior.

You know what predictably ensures that positive behavior will continue? Positive reinforcement.

I went for my monthly naturopath appointment today and she gave me more praise than I was expecting. Things are better! I have to get blood drawn in about three weeks to see how my counts are doing, but the reaction she had to me being down 20 pounds, as well as all of the other stuff that I reported to her, really helped me to be more motivated and feel like I'm moving in the right direction.

It also helped me feel better about the changes I was making and the news didn't sting so bad when she told me that I had to still be on the candibactin for another month.

I'm at the point where she thinks I'm ready to reincorporate cane sugar. I'm to have a hot beverage with one teaspoon of sugar in it twice a day for the next two days, and then take it back out again for three days and see what happens. The purpose, the whole purpose of doing this is so that I don't have to be paranoid if I'm not eating at home. I can have some barbecue sauce on my chicken without feeling anxious about it.

A tall order at this point, the anxiety I mean, but we'll see what happens. To say I've been sticking to my diet with a hypervigilance I haven't seen in a while would be an understatement. I think that it's less about doctor's orders at this point and more about the consequences of eating what I can't and how unpleasant that actually is, and also wanting to maintain my progress. To be sure, I've done a fair amount of internal grumbling when I can't eat that potato salad because it has mayonnaise in it and I can't have that yogurt or it turns out that I shouldn't have eaten those gluten-free chicken nuggets the other day because cane sugar was the last ingredient in them. To say I've gotten pissy about it would be charitable.

But I'm slowly making my way. I discovered vegenaise, which it turns out I actually like a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I also got this machine that makes bananas into ice cream, and with a little bit of a sunbutter swirl, will probably be very doable as the summer comes. This diet does not fall into the category of Things I Cannot Do, it's just a matter of getting used to it. I know people who have been vegan for years (to the point where they forget what cheese tastes like - WHO FORGETS THE TASTE OF CHEESE?) or had very similar dietary restrictions and they went through the same thing starting out. They all say that it gets easier, and I can't help but believe them. I have to have hope about this or I will never be able to accomplish it.

But the best part? I continue to feel great. I know my counts will be better at my next blood draw because I can feel it. So for now, I just keep on plugging sans eggs, dairy, and gluten.