"Once you've gone through this surgery, you're going to be experiencing menopause from day one. You'll need a lot more protein to keep yourself going."
"Your brain needs time and a lot of protein to heal."
"Protein helps your thyroid meds work better and also you'll heal faster."
"I know you gained 55 pounds after your surgeries. Try increasing your protein."
"Your energy isn't coming back up after your surgeries because you're not eating enough protein."
Lather, rinse, repeat, like seven times. No joke.
Do you know how many of those seven times I listened to this advice?
None. I listened no times.
I've been told for the past four and a half years that I have to drastically increase my protein intake. By how much? I have no idea. How the hell much protein is a person even supposed to get in any given day?
Fuck if I know, but those were questions that I've asked and gotten no answers to until recently.
Seriously. I've been to three nutritionists. "Eat more protein" is the entire sentence. When I ask how much, "Play around with it and see what works?" is the response I've gotten every.single.time.
EVERY SINGLE ONE.
Even my holistic nutritionist had that answer when I asked her. "It's different for everyone. Just play around and find out what works. You'll need a lot."
HOW MUCH IS A LOT?
WHO KNOWS.
So, fun fact: I started on a GLP-1. I'm currently in week 5. It was time. I'd tried a lot to lose weight, it all messed with my guts, so it was time to try something different. Zepbound city, population me, here we come. The doctor that I met with was like "How much protein do you get in a day?"
Sigh. Here we go.
I don't know, like 30-40 grams?
"Oh. That's not nearly enough."
No shit. I didn't even ask because I expected the same answer, AND THEN she just...came out with it:
"Shoot for 80 grams a day for the next month with 100 being the ideal. That's where I want you based on your medical status."
I GOT AN ACTUAL NUMBER.
So, what did I do? What any rational person would do, truly.
I bought all of the protein powder. Bought protein bars with 25 grams of protein in them. Just bought all of the protein.
See? I do listen when I'm told medical advice. I just need to know what to do because I don't have a medical degree and I'm not a registered dietitian or a certified nutritionist, and so I don't have these facts at my disposal.
It's working. You know why? I've lost weight for the first time in four years. Finally, something that works. I didn't even have to make hugely drastic changes in my diet other than increasing my protein. My body has been in such shock that it hasn't known what to do since the surgeries, and that is what has prevented my weight loss. That comes from my PCP AND my functional medicine doctor. I'm really stoked about this, because not only am I losing weight, I'm sharper than I've been in literal years. (Going back on ritalin has certainly helped, but so has the massive amounts of protein I've been eating.)
Will the weight loss set me back to thyroid surgery levels in my vocal cord recovery? I got a resounding yes from my voice doctor a couple of weeks ago. That's both disappointing and annoying, and I've already started to notice even only losing 15 pounds. I'll be back to sounding like Marge Simpson again eventually, which means another fat injection surgery. That's disappointing, but also at the same time, he's going to help me figure out why I lose my voice entirely after I run, and also getting another injection will be easy peasy once I'm at my goal weight, just like it was the first time. If it goes as quickly as it has been, I'll be there in no time. Also, it's Dr. HotPants, and he's also monitoring me every six months for nerdy reasons. Swoon. (He's doing a study on how being on a GLP can affect fat injections in vocal cords, since the fat injected is from the abdominal cavity. HOW COOL AND NERDY IS THAT.)
Also, fun fact about me:
The algorithm diagnosed me with IBS and SIBO before any doctor did. I started having terrible digestion and all of a sudden I started getting videos across my feed about IBS and Ulcerative colitis and SIBO.
That’s literally exactly what it was that I had. (They’re still ruling out UC. I’ll know for sure in October.)
The algorithm also low-key diagnosed me with Harlequin Syndrome (which I call Channeling my Inner Two-Face), and potentially the meningioma.
Wild, amirite?
So, imagine my shock when I came across this video.
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1Atf9dB31q/?mibextid=wwXIfr
I sent it to Rob, and you know what he did? Laughed. Laughed long and loud. You know why? That’s 100% me.
Thank goodness it’s a running joke with my PCP that the algorithm diagnoses me with stuff, because I sent this to her and was like “How do I get this testing” and she was like “I trust that you know your body, so let’s get you in to see someone.” She wasn’t able to get me into the MGH network, which is fine, so I saw a doctor in NH for it.
I went through the testing last week and her offices aren’t very soundproof because I heard her say “Holy shit” when she was going over my test results. I’ve had that happen three times, once when I was getting my first brain MRI and then they wouldn’t show me, so that was cool.
ANYWAY.
I go through this testing and let me tell you, I AM BOMBING IT. I was doing just terrible and I knew it. Also something I’ve heard multiple times, “It’s totally ok! You’re doing great. This is why we’re here.”
I can’t decide if that’s reassuring. I heard it in my vocal therapy assessment, during my SIBO testing when I almost threw up in the waiting room, and now this.
Anyway. The punch line is that I have, and likely have had it all my life, Binocular Vision Dysfunction. Essentially what that means is that my eyes don’t talk to each other. They also don’t communicate with (in either direction) my brain correctly. My neuro-optometrist literally sat me down and was like “Wow. You’ve been suffering a long time. I’m really sorry about that.”
She then explained that there are things that have clearly been going on for a long time, if not my entire lifetime, and some stuff that’s only been going on since my surgery, but it’s all treatable.
Ready for some wild stuff? Here are the symptoms:
Eye strain and fatigue: Only every damn day.
Double vision: I didn’t think this was a thing literally until this wild eye exam. I literally blurted out “WHY ARE THERE TWO OF THEM I KNOW THAT’S NOT RIGHT” like four times when I was supposed to be looking at those stupid damn dots.
Blurred vision: I thought this was just a thing and also part of being 45. Nope!
Headaches, often located behind the eyes: Where do my migraines start? One of two places - behind my left eye or on the left side of my neck.
Dizziness or balance problems: I’m literally the biggest klutz you’ll ever meet. I’ve broken things from tripping on stuff. Like on my body. Also inanimate objects.
Motion sickness: I -cannot- be a passenger in a car unless I’m forced to be because I can’t drive. Then if I don’t sleep, I’m miserable after five minutes. I seriously considered asking to not be put out for my annual colonoscopies so that I can drive home from them. I won't, because propofol is amazing and who on earth wouldn't want that nap, but I've strongly considered it.
Reading difficulties: Yup. I haven’t read a single book since my surgery, but not for lack of desire to read - I just can’t.
Poor depth perception: YUP.
Eye pain, especially when focusing: YUP.
Sensitivity to light: Especially bad with migraines, but low key all the time
Neck pain and stiffness, shoulder pain: At several points of my life, I’ve needed assistance getting out of bed because this has been so bad.
Difficulty driving at night: Check.
Anxiety and stress: Checkity check.
Clumsiness and coordination problems: All of the checks.
I.HAVE.EVERY.SINGLE.SYMPTOM.
So! I start vision therapy in two hours. The first step is to break down the things I’ve been doing behaviorally to accommodate it, which is terrifying and sounds painful, but is also entirely necessary. At some point, I think it’s likely that I’m going to get some prescription prism lenses, but we’ll see what that means and what it looks like. First, I’m to do eight sessions and then check progress.
I'm now at the stage where I'm starting to feel a little validated without feeling rage. That feels nice. When it comes to medical stuff, I usually can't feel validated without the rage.
We'll see what this next thing brings!
